Transcript of MGTOW - Needs vs Strategies and Giving Yourself Empathy

Greetings.  My name is Ronwise Gamgee and this is the third episode of my MGTOW channel, RonwiseMGTOW.  In this episode, I want to talk about the distinction between needs and strategies as well as methods for providing yourself with empathy.

As I’ve spoken about before, feelings are signals that point to whether or not your needs are being met.  In the first episode, I also mentioned that I would make a distinction between needs and strategies in later videos.  Our needs are that which are necessary for the enrichment of our lives: without meeting them, our quality of life would suffer, up to the point of us dying if neglected for long enough periods of time, whether directly or manifested in seemingly unrelated ways.  Strategies are methods that we employ to get those needs met, whether or not the strategies actually do get said needs met.  Please refer to the link in the description bar and review the post titled “Some Basic Needs That We All Have”:

http://ronwisemgtow.blogspot.com/

One way to tell the difference between an expressed need and an expressed strategy is whether or not someone or something else is required.  Saying the following: “When I walk alone in a dark neighborhood at night, I’m scared and I need men to not cross my path so that I can feel safe” is a strategy or preference, whereas saying, “When I walk alone in a dark neighborhood at night, I’m scared and I need safety and reassurance that I won’t have harm inflicted upon me” is expressing a need.  The unmet needs, signaled by this person’s fear, are for safety and reassurance, but the strategy or preference expressed is for men to not walk in their path.  Other possible strategies for meeting those needs of safety and reassurance include

·        travelling with a group of people,

·        avoiding locations that stimulate fear when walking alone at night,

·        and prepare accordingly for potential danger, such as by carrying a concealed firearm, self-defense training, etc. 

As mentioned before, the root cause of this person’s fear is their thought process, not the external forces stimulating these thoughts.

Recognizing the difference between a need and a strategy or preference is important to remember whenever we become frustrated about not being able to get our needs met.  Often times, the case may be that we are unable to get our needs met via a particular preference but confuse that with not being able to get the need met at all.

In the first video, I mentioned that one way to provide yourself empathy is to write down or record your jackal talk, step back give yourself a couple of minutes to recoup, and review what was written down or recorded as if you were listening or reading what was written down by your loving son: in a compassionate manner.  Another way to give yourself much-needed empathy is to give yourself gratitude for the things you do to enrich your own life.  Now, this next part is very important: there is a particular way to show gratitude using Non-Violent Communication, one that is distinct from the life-alienating way of showing gratitude, which usually takes on the forms of compliments or rewards.  Here it goes:

1    1)     Describe your observation separate from your evaluation (just the facts) that you did to enrich your life.

2    2)     Identify and express your feelings.

3    3)     Identify the met core needs/values underneath the emotions you’re expressing.

Sound familiar?  Now, while the simple phrase of “thank you” can express all three of these steps, practice giving yourself gratitude using NVC, as you actually learn what it is you’re thankful for.  Make a habit of doing this daily, if you can.

Just as important as it is to give yourself gratitude using NVC is to learn to receive gratitude from yourself using NVC, especially when you think you’re being disingenuous about it.  The process is the same: describe observations separate from evaluations, identify and express your feelings, identify the met or unmet core needs/values underneath the emotions you’re expressing, and request that which would meet your needs. 

If you find yourself replying to given gratitude with “oh, it was nothing” or “I just did the right thing” or “anyone else in my shoes would’ve done the same”, you’re using jackal talk on yourself (with either actual or false humility) and you’re trying to absolve yourself of responsibility of your actions.  Connect with yourself by going through this process so that you can get the empathy that you need so that your life can be enriched.  The more our need for empathy has been met, the more able we are to be in the present moment, when things are actually happening, as opposed to being stuck in our heads, where we interact with a false representation of reality and of ourselves.

That’s all I have for now.  Please feel free to leave comments in the comments section.  Remember: we’re all just trying to get our needs met.  Till next time.