Greetings. My name is Ronwise Gamgee and this is the
first episode of my MGTOW channel, RonwiseMGTOW. I’ve been an avid consumer of MGTOW content
for at least two years and am aware of many of the major players and I’ve
always had a hankering to contribute to the MGTOW phenomenon somehow, but in a
venue that I haven’t seen others do.
I’ve been looking for a way to contribute to MGTOW content in my own
unique way, as opposed to parroting other MGTOW content producers.
My focus
is going to be on one of the most vital tenets of MGTOW: non-violence. Specifically, I’m going to delve into what
I’ve discovered to be an incredibly powerful tool created by the late Dr.
Marshall B. Rosenberg called Nonviolent Communication and how to tailor it
towards MGTOW, specifically, and towards men more generally.
We’ve all
heard the adage: “be the change you want to see.” Essentially, if you want to affect change in
the world, you have to start with yourself.
That being said, the first place where I’d like to show MGTOW to apply
Nonviolent Communication is within themselves and then work outwards from
there.
Nonviolent
Communication is a way of communicating that leads us to give from the heart
and enriches life. The kind of
communication that we’ve learned in our competitive, dominance-hierarchal based
culture alienates us from life and comes in the following forms: moralistic
judgments, evaluations, criticisms, diagnoses, analyses, comparisons, labeling,
demands, defending, withdrawing, attacking, denials of responsibility,
“shoulding”, and the concept of deservedness.
Essentially, any communication that blocks compassion is
life-alienating. While we may not
consider the way we talk to be “violent,” words often lead to hurt and pain,
whether for others or ourselves.
I equate
the enrichment of life to the fulfillment of getting needs met. Conversely, I equate the alienation of life
to the deprivation of getting needs met.
Emotions are our expressions of met or unmet needs. One such example of a MGTOW expressing unmet
needs is Red Pill Rage: he may be angry because his need for equal treatment as
a human being or his need for justice is not being met. “Women are evil! I’m not getting involved in relationships with
women because they’ll fuck me over one way or another, like how my friend got
fucked over when his baby’s mom divorced him, leaving him with half of his
assets, no house, and child support to boot!” a MGTOW under Red Pill Rage may
say to himself. This is an example of a
tragic expression of unmet needs or, as Spetsnaz puts it: “he’s swallowing
poison and expecting the other person to die.”
In his
seminars, Dr. Rosenberg called this kind of life-alienating talk “jackal talk”
and he would wear a jackal sock puppet whenever he’d have an attendee do exercises
in Nonviolent Communication with him.
We’re all masters of jackal talk, and the person we’ve subjected jackal
talk to the most and the harshest is ourselves.
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we’re always communicating our
feelings and needs; jackal talk is simply a tragic way of doing so and I’d like
to teach MGTOW how to communicate like a giraffe, the mammal with the biggest
heart in the animal kingdom (or so I’ve heard) and, yes, he had a giraffe sock
puppet as well when he would communicate using NVC.
So here’s
the method:
1)
Describe your observation separate from your
evaluation (just the facts).
2)
Identify and express your feelings.
3)
Identify the met/unmet core needs/values
underneath the emotions you’re expressing.
4)
Request that which would enrich your life (meeting
your needs).
The
method above applies both to when you are clearly express how you are without blaming or
criticizing and when you are empathically receiving how you are without hearing blame or criticism. As we’re focusing on ourselves first, you’re
essentially communicating with yourself throughout this process.
Let’s go
back to our Red Pill Rage MGTOW (we’ll call him Rob). Rob’s been learning about MGTOW and is
currently in his Red Pill Rage phase and tells himself (in jackal), “Women are
evil! I’m not getting involved in
relationships with women because they’ll fuck me over one way or another, like
how my friend got fucked over when his baby’s mom divorced him, leaving him
with half of his assets, no house, and child support to boot!” This is what we hear with jackal ears.
With
giraffe ears, what we’re paying attention to is the expression of feelings and
needs. Rob seems to be expressing
anger. I say “seems to be” as opposed to
“is expressing anger” because I’m describing what I’m observing: a possible
expression of anger, whereas a flat-out declaration of Rob’s anger is a
diagnosis, a form of life-alienating communication that blocks our ability to
empathize with Rob. The way we form our
language plays a huge part in NVC, but that will be a topic for another video. As for Rob’s needs, some possibilities may
include safety, fairness, empathy, equality, justice, and compassion for his
friend.
Lots of
MGTOW like Rob stay in the Red Pill Rage phase for a long time (far too long,
in my opinion). Here are the things that
will not get Rob’s needs met (along with the previously mentioned
life-alienating forms of communication):
unrequested advice, unrequested reassurance, one-upping, educating, intellectual
understanding, consoling, story-telling, shutting down, sympathizing,
interrogating, explaining, correcting, and listening to thoughts as opposed to
feelings and needs. Here is what Rob
needs: empathy. Empathy requires
emptying our mind and listening with our whole being in the present
moment. In other words, don’t just do
something, stand there.
Since Rob
is using NVC with himself, it may help Rob to either write or record what he
tells himself so that he can then step back and empathize with himself. If he engages in jackal talk, he’ll block his
ability to empathize with himself. Once
he is free of jackal talk via the process of empathy, Rob will be in a state of
nonviolence – a natural state of compassion when violence has subsided from the
heart. Rob can then, in his empathic
state, translate his thoughts into NVC:
“When I
think about how my friend lost half of his assets and his house due to his
divorce as well as being court-ordered to pay child support at the threat of
jail time, I get angry because I value autonomy and freedom and I value the
well-being of my friend.”
So far,
Rob has described his observation (his thoughts), identified and expressed his
feelings (anger), and identified the core needs/values underneath the emotions
he’s expressing that have not been met (autonomy, freedom, the well-being of
his friend). Now that Rob has identified
what his unmet needs are, he can request of himself to get his needs met. Remember that it’s a request and not a demand
(which alienates life), as we tend to resist demands made of us or resent
demands we submit to, including self-imposed demands.
The way
in which Rob goes about to get his needs met are called strategies. Rob has identified autonomy, freedom, and the
well-being of his friend as unmet needs.
Strategies that he can use to meet those needs may include calling his
friend and talking to him for 15 minutes, treating his friend to a movie, going
out for a walk, grabbing some beers and chugging a bottle or two with his
friend, or providing his friend some empathy.
Keep in mind not to confuse the need with the strategy. Also, keep in mind that, when forming a
strategy, phrase it in positive, action language. I’ll go into more detail towards the subject
of needs in later videos.
Once Rob’s
needs are met, the anger he felt from that unmet need due to the thoughts he
had about his friend’s predicament may subside.
He may still be angry from other thoughts, such as “Women are evil!”,
but using the same process he used to meet his needs for autonomy, freedom, and
the well-being of his friend from thoughts of his friend’s predicament, Robert
can hone in on identifying and expressing his feelings on the “women are evil”
thought, identify the unmet core needs/values behind those feelings, and request
of himself strategies to meet those needs.
An
important note: please utilize nonviolent strategies to get your needs met.
That’s
all I have for now. Please feel free to
leave comments in the comments section.
Remember: we’re all just trying to get our needs met. Till next time.
